Some time ago, reading my daily dose of News and Blogs, I stumbled into a 'sex dictionary' that promised to explain almost 2000 relevant terms - a proud number indeed - and so I went looking; naturally.
But I soon was amazed at the dictionary's total lack of quality (which is why I don't disclose the URL of an otherwise interesting site hosting it). Now this is just what happens when someone collects all kinds of lists and definitions from all over the place (like Wikipaedia but worse) and assembles them as a large 'dictionary' - doesn't critically check where they come from nor take the time to check their accuracy.
Here is one especially strange combination of definitions I despise:
Open Marriage
Adultery
Open Relationship
The term for a relationship in which both partners have agreed to date or have sex with other people.
Now the second definition is more or less acceptable - though way too simple - but the first one is just terrible. It must have been written by a right-wing American fundamentalist Christian priest - but even they are usually more knowledgeable than whoever wrote this.
Being who and how I am, not only an encyclopedist but also a promoter of open relationships and a participant in an open marriage, see below how I propose to have these definitions changed.
A marriage of two married partners who give each other the freedom to remain erotically interested and sexually active in more or less the same adventurous manner as they were before their marriage.
This entails not only that each one is free to actively pursue, and be open to persuasion, to engage with others sexually - it actually allows for 'loving' someone else and for 'falling in love' with one or more others.
So there's no question of 'adultery' here or of 'cheating', since in a truly open marriage both partners are usually emotionally aware of what is happening - and if they are not, they will be timely and adequately informed: Jack tells Jill about 'falling in love' with or 'being attracted' to Penny; or Jill openly says that she's having Peter over while Jack spends the weekend with Monica and Bill.
For it to work, the partners involved in an open marriage not only have to be very honest - to the other(s) and themselves - they also have to overcome the concept of 'jealousy' that comes from the erroneous belief that sexual partners somehow own each other. In other words, Jill and Jack must really love each other - which means that they wish each other the best and most exciting life possible.
For it to work even better, also the people designated here as Penny
and others always have to be informed adequately (I am married.
) and have to share the same basic concept of
freedom (Good for you! When do we meet?
) - which is not always the case.
If this problem arises (jealousy from someone outside the marriage), Jack and/or
Jill better leave them alone sooner than later; or - even better - not engage in the first place.
Last not least, I like to remind you that an open marriage comes close to the old idea of polygamy (polyandry, polygyny), a practice that was completely normal in many ancient civilizations - way before any Rabbis or Popes decided how you and I are allowed to live. However, with polygamy (impossible/illegal in most countries today), more people than A and B are involved in the legal marriage.
Very much the same as an Open Marriage, with the only difference that the two partners are not legally married.
Note:
Monogamy: marriage involving two people, usually hetero-sexual
Polygamy: marriage involving three of more people (not gender-specific)
Polyandry: marriage involving one woman and two or more men
Polygyny: marriage involving one man and two or more women
